There are more men hunting for sex with men, and more openly, than ever before. We used to rely on parks and public toilets for our casual encounters, now we call out to each other thru electronic communication waves, meet in our bedrooms – travel or accom – glimpse each other’s lives and conjure an instant connection thru sex and chemicals. We chase a high, hope for an easy rapport with each other that will manifest fun, will give us the pleasure we desire. We don’t consider what is this bliss we are drawn to seek, why does ecstatic sex-tatic connection feel so good. We are products of the scientific age – we’ve been told we are nothing, just chemistry and biology floating in space, and those people on the earth who do believe in the sacredness of life often tell us we are worthless. (These religious bigots simply can’t see love when it is incarnate in front of them.) So no harm then to chase the high, to drown in indulgence, no-one seems to agree on the point of life, so there probably isn’t one. Let’s fuck.
At the same time we are exploring who we are, how we function, finding out what emotions and highs we can experience in these bodies, discovering things about other people and how to give them pleasure. Casual sex is not just available to those brave enough to venture into dark parks and dirty toilets any more. It’s in our homes. Everyone’s at it. Particularly amongst the HIV+ community there is a deep exploration of uninhibited sexuality going on. We have gone beyond all barriers, have no need for condoms, use many kinds of drugs, hope to avoid the heebeegeebees (the word a lad I met used today for hep c) and wanna GET FUCKED OUT OF OUR MINDS.
Our tales of drug abuse and compulsive behaviour would change if we acknowledged that this is indeed what sex can do for us – get us out of our minds and into bigger and broader experience and understanding of WHO WE ARE, opening us up to spiritual, mystical realities. And we don’t necessarily need drugs for this to happen.
Somewhere inside we all know we are more than a random biochemical accident. We are feeling beings and our feelings are deep, sometimes profound, and REAL, as real as the physical world. The rational mind analyses the universe, but the soul in us FEELS it. We are drawn to sexual highs because of the feelings they whisk up inside us. Feeling tells us much more the nature of who we are than physical matter or rational logic. In SEX we combine our feelings, all our energies, body and soul, with others. And we could do this more consciously – instead of using toxic, dangerous chemicals to trip our minds to shut up and let us get deeply into the energy of connection, we might learn to open our hearts and keep our minds quiet, free of judgemental or selfish attitudes. Tantric practice teaches us to be with the breath, be in presence so that we can merge in sexual union with others and rise into high and beautiful states of being – chemical helpers then become irrelevant. TANTRA is generally misunderstood by gay men, who think it has something to do with not touching, or not coming. No boys, tantra is about getting the full amount of pleasure – and awareness – possible while in human form. Tantra is a study of the natural flow of spiritual energies through the body. We can go on courses to learn about it, but we can also be led by the hand of our own soul to discover the mysteries of connection. This is what happens when we fall in love.
In the current gay male sexual frenzy going on in many cities when there is a lack of love in our meets, the result is our souls feel battered and abused. Our bodies get pleasured, glorified …. but often simply used. This can take a toll on our minds, emotions and our physicality. Often we are sharing joy, and there is nothing harmful about our pleasures, but if we find ourselves hooked on substances or losing touch with the rest of our lives, then things are out of balance. If we reach this point the way forward is to see it as a chance to learn to love ourselves more deeply, bring balance into our lives, and learn to take care of ourselves.
As we play and fuck around do we care much about each other? Well that gets tested sometimes when the drugs take over and guys lose it. On the whole I would say we do care, the tripped out or flipped over generally get looked after. We could take a profoundly spiritual attitude to our encounters ……. we could go as far as to recognise each being we meet as a divine self and take the attitude that we meet to bless each other through sex. WE COULD SIMPLY AND UNCONDITIONALLY GIVE LOVE TO EACH OTHER. Through sex we can expand our energy fields (our spirits) and draw light, love and positive energy into our bodies – or indeed negative energy, if we are reckless in who we open ourselves to in sexual play. When we play we might use chems, but we might get high by just remembering that two human spirits engaged sexually have all that is required to achieve states of bliss, we are a glorious mix of chemistry, desire and flesh that is essentially designed for that. We simply have to connect, be fully present with each other, OPEN OUR HEARTS and focus.
Life is a grand tapestry, an incredible design, an infinitely variable wonder. There is so much to it, we should get out of our bedrooms more. Get back to the parks! Sex amongst the trees is so great! We are drawn to seek bliss, to experience limitlessness and wild joys – because our souls yearn for these heights. Chems are helpers to open us up to life’s magic, can bring awesome experiences, but they are pointers to the way, not the way itself. We open up powerful energy channels through sex so we would do well to open our minds too – open them to the the awesomeness of creation, of our existence on this planet, is not hard to see if we dare to think about it. If we were to think about that more, to enjoy sacred contemplation of existence, to feel the bigger picture and feel our oneness with it – that would bring balance to these hectic, passionate lives of ours, and our lovemaking will be celebration always.
My explorations have led me to see our sexual excesses as driven by a lust to know the spiritual bliss that mystics of all times and from all cultures have said is the ground of our being. But of course, maybe reckless sexual behaviour is driven by suppressed pain and shame. Whatever pushes us to explore sexuality, greater self-knowledge, joy and creativity are the gifts that sexual energy can bring. Sex is the holiest thing we can do with another person. This is what gay men, and much of the world, are ignoring. Disease, dependency, death probably result from this ignorance. Sex opens us up. Let’s open up and let the light flood in. These bodies are living incarnations of bliss. No more shame. No more fear. Sex is utterly utterly divinely holy. When gay men, the sexual outlaws, get this and celebrate this, the whole world will pay attention.
Sleazy Michael Presents
‘CHEM-SEX Danger in our bedrooms, our lives our communities’ – a panel discussion at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern
How is our community to address this? Come join our lively debate with our panel.